


stumbling through a thousand stars

by pretzelmintz



Category: New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Everyone Lives/Nobody Dies, Alternate Universe - Hope's Peak Academy (Dangan Ronpa), Everybody Lives, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Hurt/Comfort, Kirumi is touch starved, M/M, Platonic Relationships, Tooth-Rotting Fluff, Touch-Starved, funny class shenanigans, kaede is VERY physically affectionate!!!, seriously its so soft, you know what that means.......
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-07
Updated: 2020-05-07
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:41:30
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,641
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24050758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pretzelmintz/pseuds/pretzelmintz
Summary: “Thank you so much, Toujou!” she said. Then, in typical Kaede fashion, she had to show her appreciation through her actions. So, she reached over to Toujou, and took one of her gloved hands in hers.Toujou’s hand immediately stiffened- Kaede looked up to the see maid had completely tensed up, and was staring at their twined hands like it was a threat to her, and would attack at any second.//Kaede is very physically affectionate with all her friends- but there's something special about Kirumi.
Relationships: Akamatsu Kaede/Tojo Kirumi, Oma Kokichi/Saihara Shuichi
Comments: 14
Kudos: 119





	stumbling through a thousand stars

**Author's Note:**

> HI HELLO THIS IS THE MOST SELF INDULGENT THING IVE EVER WRITTEEEEEENNN  
> touch-starved!kirumi is one of my favs since i HC her as growing up in a more formal, less familial household :''')  
> OH GOD IT HURRRTSS
> 
> hope you like this!!! <3 <3
> 
> (titled is from Candle - Cavetown)

It was just a typical day in the Hope’s Peak 79thclass dorm living room- the Ultimates were gathered on the sofas and on the floor, laughing at some stupid joke Amami told them. The adventurer sat on the sofa right next to Kaede, who giggled so much, she fell over sideways onto his shoulder.

See, that was the thing about Kaede; she was _very_ physically affectionate.Always had been. She often expressed her love physically, with hugs, kisses, and punctuated these with a few “I love you”s here and there. The other Ultimates took some time getting used to it- some even thought she was flirting. But after a few months of being classmates, they soon realized that was just how she always acted. Some of them welcomed it, and played along, while others just accepted it with an embarrassed huff. Some of them expressed their discomfort, and Kaede made sure to respect their boundaries.

Amami briefly leaned his head over hers in his laughter, before the two separated, and Ouma, who was sat on the floor just below Kaede, picked up the joke. His rendition was followed by screams and cries of anguish and disgust, which just made him laugh harder. Kaede leaned forward and ruffled his hair, prompting the supreme leader to grab her arm and pull her away, snickering.

A sudden motion caught the attention of a few Ultimates, the others engrossed in their own separate conversations. Kaede looked up to see Toujou walk into the living room, hands folded in front of her, and stop next to the sofa where Kaede sat.

“Supper will be ready in just a bit.” she informed them. “I’m letting it simmer for now.”

The listening Ultimates sung their appreciation. The maid nodded back to them, smiling politely. Kaede looked up at her and beamed.

“Thank you so much, Toujou!” she said. Then, in typical Kaede fashion, she had to show her appreciation through her actions. So, she reached over to Toujou, and took one of her gloved hands in hers.

Toujou’s hand immediately stiffened- Kaede looked up to the see maid had completely tensed up, and was staring at their twined hands like it was a threat to her, and would attack at any second. Eyes wide and frozen, she made eye contact with Kaede, who stared back at her, surprised.

At once, Kaede loosened her grip, and the maid quickly tore her hand away, then looking anywhere but the pianist. The room had fallen to a near total silence.

“I-I should… check up on the…” Toujou didn’t even finish before she turned on her heels and walked out of the living room a bit too quickly, leaving Kaede stunned and staring at the spot she had just been standing in. She didn’t even move her own hand from where it was left suspended in the air.

After a few moments passed, she was brought back to reality- and noticed half her classmates staring right at her, eyes wide.

“W-what?” Kaede managed to stammer, feeling herself flushing.

“Holy shit,” Amami muttered to her, bewildered. “I think you fucking killed her, dude.”

Ouma snickered, looking up at her. “She was blushing bright red, too! How improper.” he huffed the last part dramatically, earning a piercing glare from Harukawa across the room.

Saihara, who was sat on the adjacent couch, looked over at her sympathetically. “You probably just surprised her, is all.”

Iruma cackled wildly from her spot, sitting on the coffee table right in front of Kaede. “From the look on the maid’s panicked face, it was like you’d just lifted her skirt in publ-“ Harukawa’s death glared silenced another victim, Iruma shuddering.

Kiibo, from the floor near Iruma, spoke up. “It was an odd reaction… she completely removed herself from the area. She seemed distressed.”

“How would you know?” Ouma called. “Robots can’t discern the difference between human emotions.”

Saihara stepped in before Kiibo could have a meltdown.

“Maybe she doesn’t like physical contact?”

Kaede’s stomach dropped.

She always made sure to keep a mental list of each of her friends’ boundaries: the ones who would reciprocate her affections, the ones who just accepted them, and the ones who’d prefer if she didn’t touch them.

Amami, Ouma, Tenko, and Yonaga would fire back with their own hugs and kisses if she showed them her affection. She never had to ask them first- and sometimes, they would initiate it before her.

Saihara, Gokuhara, Kiibo, Iruma, Momota, Tsumugi and Himiko would gladly accept her affections, but would rarely reciprocate- for different reasons. Saihara and Momota would get embarrassed, Gokuhara and Kiibo would be afraid to hurt her, and Iruma would get so surprised and flustered, she’d be rendered motionless.

Harukawa, Hoshi and Shinguji would rather not be touched at all- if they wanted it, which they almost never did, they had to specifically ask for it.

Kaede respected everyone’s boundaries. She often longed to shower her more reserved friends with the love and affection they deserved, but if they didn’t want it, she absolutely had to respect that.

She went over the list in her head, over and over, even having mental notes about some of the students from Classes 78 and 77. She scanned every single name, again again, before realizing…

…she had never asked Toujou.

“Oh my God… did I make her uncomfortable?” she fretted. “I need to apologize…”

Kaede had a huge amount of respect for Toujou- like everyone else in the class. The maid was practically perfect- polite, hard-working, intelligent, and, Kaede had to admit- _very_ charming. She put up with so much- all their messes, complaints and requests were tended to quickly and without a word.

So, for Kaede to just disrespect her like that, after everything she’d done for them…

Harukawa interrupted her rambling thoughts bluntly. “That didn’t look too much like it made her uncomfortable. I would know. I hate being touched without permission.”

Shinguji entered the conversation, from where he was leaning against the wall next to Hoshi. “Toujou is the kind of person who would make her discomfort known to you. She does just that when one of us”, his sinister eyes darted over to where Ouma sat, “calls her ‘mom’.”

As Ouma threw his hands in the air, insulted, Amami looked over at Kaede, expression sympathetic. “Don’t worry about it, Akamatsu. You didn’t do anything wrong.”

Saihara nodded. “Though I do wonder what exactly made her react like _that_ …”

Kaede shook off her embarrassment and stood up abruptly, scaring Ouma. “I’m going to go apologize!” she exclaimed. “Don’t wait for me!”

Ouma shrugged, trying to relax again. “Wasn’t planning on it.”

Amami kicked him in the back of the head as Kaede left the room.

//

When Kaede entered the kitchen, the maid was standing by the stove, eyeing a pot of what she assumed was their supper. She didn’t stir at the pianist’s entrance, most likely not having noticed her. She was just… standing there, motionless.

“Toujou?” Kaede called from the door. The maid stiffened, and turned around.

“Ah, Akamatsu… I didn’t hear you enter.” her eyes stared at the ground at Kaede’s feet. She was avoiding her gaze.

Kaede calmly approached the other girl, apology in her tightening throat.

“I wanted to apologize for earlier.” Kaede sighed.

Toujou just stared. “Apologize…? For what?”

Kaede hadn’t been expecting that. It momentarily threw her off, before she continued. “For so suddenly holding your hand like that. I didn’t mean to make you uncomfortable. I should’ve asked first.”

Toujou blinked, before her expression changed. Kaede wasn’t good at reading emotions like Saihara was, so she couldn’t interpret the expression with accuracy. To her, it looked like a mix of embarrassment, and… wistfulness?

In an instant, that expression was gone, replaced by her usual stoic appearance. “Ah, rather, I should be apologizing for that. It was very rude of me.”

Kaede’s own expression saddened at that- she had no reason to be apologizing. Kaede had been the one to make her uncomfortable!

“In any case, I promise I won’t do it again. I’ll be sure to respect your boundaries.” said Kaede, already making the mental note.

Something flashed in Toujou’s eyes- but it was gone so fast, Kaede barely registered it. The maid said nothing, only nodded, and turned back towards the pot on the stove. Kaede took it as her cue to leave.

She stepped out of the kitchen to head back to the living room.

“Yo.”

Kaede jumped at the sudden voice, clenching her teeth and turning to see Ouma, casually leaning on the wall next to the kitchen door. The supreme leader was eyeing her seriously. Kaede breathed out, calming herself.

“What the heck, Ouma!” she managed to force out, annoyed. “How long have you been here?”

Ouma shrugged. “I followed you here when you left, so, the whole time, I guess.”

Kaede anxiously looked back into the kitchen- Toujou hadn’t seemed to have been alerted by the noise they were making. The pianist grabbed Ouma’s sleeve and dragged him further down the corridor, closer to the living room, away from the kitchen.

“How much of that did you hear?”

“All of it,” he replied. “Saw some of it, too.”

Kaede just groaned, and fixed him with her glare. “Why would you event want to eavesdrop? All I did was apologize. There’s no drama or anything.

Then, Ouma’s expression changed into something more… solemn. A rare look for him- or something that was usually followed by a cheeky grin. But Kaede only saw sincerity in his eyes.

“Because I saw Toujou’s expression when you took her hand earlier. She didn’t look uncomfortable.”

Kaede shifted, blinking. “Yeah, we’d established that. That she looked more scared.”

Ouma held up his hand to silence her. “No, I mean, she wasn’t uncomfortable or unsettled, nor scared- not like Harukawa is when someone touches her.” he searched for the right words. “She looked more… sad. Hopeful. I guess, wistful?”

Kaede could only narrow her eyes. “What are you getting at?”

“I think,” Ouma held his finger up to his lips, “that she isn’t used to physical affection.”

The sudden suggestion made Kaede bristle a bit. “How could you possibly know that?”

“Because Shuichi is exactly like that.”

Kaede’s gaze shot over to the end of the corridor, where the entrance to the living room was, then back to Ouma. “Saihara is…?”

Ouma nodded. “Well, more like ‘was’. He… wasn’t shown a lot of physical affection as a child, because his parents were always gone. So, he ended up growing up to be unfamiliar with affectionate touch, but secretly longing for it. When we started dating, it was just like that. He would flinch away from touch- but I could tell he secretly longed for it.”

Seeing Ouma like this was… odd. She always saw him as a boisterous and mischievous troublemaker, but it was obvious he did truly care for people deep down- specifically Saihara, of course. It was rather endearing, but Kaede forced herself not to smile.

“Over time, I would try to expose him to it more often, and soon, he began to reciprocate. But he had been too shy to ever admit it.” he finished with a sigh, before continuing, “I think Toujou is the same. Too shy to admit it, and, well… touch starved. The reason for that, well, I can’t say for certain.”

Kaede was left speechless. It took a while for her brain to come up with a response.

“…I see.” she bit her lip. Ouma just nodded.

“When you told her you wouldn’t touch her like that again, I saw something in her eyes… something like, regret and sadness. Like she didn’t want to hear you say that.”

Kaede froze, making eye contact with him. “Are you implying she… _wants_ me to do it again?”

Ouma shrugged. “Guess so. She’d probably never admit it though. It goes against her whole shtick of, only existing to serve others.”

A sudden call from the living room made both of them turn their heads. Saihara was calling for Ouma to come back.

The supreme leader turned to look at Kaede again, now grinning. “That was a lovely chat. Hope you kept up with all that info. What you do with it, is up to you.” he cast one final mischievous gaze towards her before heading down the hallway, leaving Kaede alone with her thoughts.

She thought back to Ouma’s earlier comment.

_“She was blushing bright red, too!”_

It was Kaede’s turn to flush. At the same time, however, she was plagued by sad thoughts.

_So Toujou might be touch starved… but her selfless devotion won’t allow her to ask for physical affection._

She straightened up with a determined huff.

_Well. If Toujou wants me to do it… then who am I to deny her that?_

//

Dinner was great, as always- the meal had been scarfed down, and many of the Ultimates were retreating for the night after the whole class watched a movie together. Tenko had to carry a sleeping Himiko upstairs at around 11pm- after which the others started heading up too.

But not Kaede.

The pianist was tired, but she was determined to catch Toujou alone- said maid was busy cleaning up the aftermath of the class’ usual storm. She was always the last one to retire for the night- after everyone had already fallen asleep.

Kaede sat on the couch, in front of the TV, the credits having finished rolling quite a while ago. She could hear rustling in the kitchen, no doubt the sound of the maid’s cleaning. She knew Toujou didn’t like to be taken away from her work, so out of respect, she waited for the girl to finish up in the kitchen.

Her hands were shaking.

 _Why are you nervous?_ she thought to herself. _You’ve been physically affectionate with everyone in the class. This isn’t any different. She’s your classmate. It’s platonic. You’re helping her._

Toujou then appeared in the doorway of the living room, and Kaede felt heat creep onto her cheeks.

_Goddamnit. Get it together._

The maid seemed surprised upon seeing Kaede.

“A-ah, Akamatsu.” she stammered, before regaining her composure. “I was not aware you were still awake. Do you require something from me?”

Kaede just flashed her a smile. “Nope! Just… relaxing. Not tired yet.” she lied. Then she patted the empty space on the sofa next to her. “Come sit!”

Toujou blinked, and looked slightly unsettled. “Pardon?”

“Yeah, come over here! You’re done cleaning, right? Just take a breather!”

Toujou looked like she wanted to protest, but she eventually made her way over to the couch, and sat down stiffly next to Kaede, hands clasped tightly and resting on her knees, looking straight ahead. Neither of them said anything.

She had the maid right where she wanted her.

Tentatively, Kaede moved her hand so it brushed against Toujou’s side. The maid’s response was instant, and she stiffened, then tried to suppress it. Her hands clasped tighter.

_Dang. I was hoping that would make her loosen her grip. Well, I’ll go for Plan B, then._

“Hey, Toujou?”

The maid relaxed a bit. “Yes?”

“I’ve been meaning to ask,” the pianist began, “about those gloves you always wear, even with the uniform.” she gestured towards the maid’s clasped hands. “Why is that?”

Toujou looked down at her own hands. “Ah, well… you could call it habit.” she confessed. “I’ve worn them for quite a while, since a young age. It feels wrong if I do not.”

Kaede nodded in acknowledgement, then watched as the maid lifted one of her hands to show her.

_There._

Kaede immediately took the maid’s hand in hers- in a grip that was firm but not hurtful. The contact made her heart skip a beat- a reaction she quickly mentally denied ever happening.

_This is normal. You do this all the time with your other classmates. Platonic. Platonic._

Meanwhile, Toujou’s reaction was much more visible.

The maid had completely frozen, and was staring right at their interlocked hands- but this time, she made no effort to pull away- which Kaede noted.

The pianist slowly ran her thumb over the fabric, pretending not to notice Toujou’s reaction. “Well, they feel pretty comfortable. I can see why you’d like wearing them all the time.”

“A-ah, y-yes, well… that… yes, you’re quite… right…”

It was a sight to behold. Toujou Kirumi, the epitome of grace and sophistication, blushing and stuttering like a young schoolgirl.

Kaede’s heart was beating a hundred miles a minute. She tried her very best to stop her hands from shaking- meanwhile, Toujou’s own hands trembled relentlessly. But, as Kaede continued to run her thumb across the gloved hand, the maid slowly stopped trembling- and instead gripped a bit tighter.

_Yes!_

_That was the first phase. Now, onto the ne-_

“Are you… testing me, Akamatsu?”

Kaede flinched upon hearing the maid’s unwavering voice- her pale green eyes were fixed right on her, face still flushed. Kaede couldn’t respond, mouth slightly agape.

“You’re curious as to why I pulled away from you earlier, yes?” the maid continued. Kaede still kept quiet- essentially, an admission of guilt.

Toujou simply sighed, though her eyes narrowed slightly. “I assure you, I was only surprised- startled, caught off guard. It is nothing to fuss about. You shouldn’t worry about m- about that.” she concluded, voice wavering slightly towards the end. “I am simply… not… very… fond of being touched. For no particular reason.” It almost seemed like she was forcing out every word.

They were still holding hands.

Kaede only stared at her. Though the maid’s words were firm and determined, her eyes portrayed a different emotion in their depths.

_Regret and sadness._

_Wistfulness._

Kaede didn’t think when she moved next.

She shifted closer to Toujou, the maid startling a bit at her sudden movement. The pianist let go of her hand- instead bringing both of her own upwards…

…to cup Toujou’s face.

The maid’s response came, and her breath hitched loudly, her hands flying up to grab Kaede’s wrists- yet making no effort to force her off. Her entire face flushed a bright red, eyes widening, and she bit her lip. She started trembling again.

Truthfully, Kaede had blacked out- she only realized what she was doing when she was already holding the maid’s face, staring into her pale eyes.

 _Oh God. What did I just do_?

Both girls held that position for what seemed like forever, neither daring to make a move. Kaede did her best to control her own emotions, which were going absolutely _crazy_ in her brain. Like twenty different sirens all at once- tornado, tsunami, police, ambulance, the entire soundboard. It was suddenly twenty degrees warmer in the room, and her stomach was doing summersaults. No- more like an entire Olympic gymnastics performance. And it had just fallen on its face after doing a backflip.

Well, it was clear that the maid was not going to answer: the girl looked like she had completely shut down. Kaede would have to explain why she did whatever the hell that was- before Toujou passed out, like it appeared she was on the verge of doing.

“Y-you don’t have to p-pretend…” the pianist’s voice came out shaking, so she took a deep breath and steadied herself, resuming.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, Toujou. I talked with Ouma- he managed to work out that you were… most likely touch starved. I… I just want to help you. I know I’m brash and impulsive and do stupid things like this without thinking, but I… truly want to give you the physical affection you missed out on. Because, you’re important to m-to us. To all of u-us.”

Kaede broke off, voice trembling. Toujou’s expression remained unchanged as they stared into each other’s eyes.

Then, slowly, Toujou visibly relaxed, the sight making Kaede relax, too, yet still not moving from her position.

Without a word, Toujou looked at her with immense emotion in her irises-

-and leaned right into Kaede’s touch, closing her eyes, bringing Kaede’s other hand down to her waist, and twining their fingers.

Kaede’s entire thought process was brought to a screeching halt. Then, she bluescreened. Error. Item not found.

_Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my fucking god._

She had to bite her lip to keep from screaming. She was certain she was going to draw blood.

_This is the cutest fucking thing I’ve ever seen._

Kaede dared not speak- all she did was observe the scene before her. The sight- and _feeling_ \- of Toujou’s cheek nestled in her hand- was better than any movie, or television show, or orchestra.

“…Thank you.”

Toujou’s soft voice brought Kaede back from her crisis- the maid was staring at her with heavy lidded eyes. She gave the tiniest little smile- soft and sweet, not like anything she’d ever seen the maid do before. This was a genuine smile, not the polite ones she gave everyone she talked to, or the forced ones she had to maintain when one of their classmates made a mess.

No, this was a special smile. And it was all for Kaede.

“…Anything for you.” Kaede responded softly. “I promise I’ll show you physical affection- like I do with everyone else. Because you… you deserve to be cared for. I’m sorry it took until this point in your life for it to happen.”

Toujou didn’t respond. The smile was enough of a response, anyway.

//

_Mental Note;_

_Toujou Kirumi, Ultimate Maid._

_Can show her physical affection without asking. Encouraged to._

_Soft skin. Pretty eyes. Cute smile._

_Platonic. It’s platonic. You show affection to your platonic relationships all the time. That’s it._

_Wait, when have I ever cupped Amami’s face like that?_

_…I think I just realized something important._

**Author's Note:**

> Comments and Kudos are incredibly appreciated! ^^


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